


When The Party’s Over

by littlestbandmerchshop



Series: Works Based on Songs [3]
Category: IT (2017), IT (2019), IT Chapter Two - Fandom
Genre: M/M, im sorry, pls don’t hate me for this, this is basically just sad hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlestbandmerchshop/pseuds/littlestbandmerchshop
Summary: Richie takes a look back over his last moments with Eddie, and remembers a time before life got between them.Based off of When the Party’s Over by Billie Eilish
Relationships: Reddie - Relationship, Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak
Series: Works Based on Songs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/503290
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	When The Party’s Over

**Author's Note:**

> pls don’t come for me i’m so sorry

Part one — “Don’t you know I’m no good for you?”

Eddie’s eyes lock with Richie’s in the restaurant. Richie’s glisten and he contemplates running to Eddie and giving him a hug, he hesitates, looking around at his friends, that would be weird.

Richie has to listen to Eddie talk about his wife and his marriage as if it doesn’t eat him up inside, listening to the love of his life talk about loving someone else. He imagines if they hadn’t forgot each other, how that would have been so much easier.

After their meal, Eddie pulls Richie aside to tell him how he’s missed him, and that he’s sorry he forgot him, “It’s okay, buddy.” Richie says so sincerely it might’ve hurt Eddie if he had let it.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m glad to be back, if only to see you — you guys — again.” Eddie trips over his words and Richie’s thoughts infect his mouth as if there was no more filters between his mind and his words, “I wish we had been together this whole time, Eds.” he couldn’t believe the words came out without his permission. Unbelievable, he thought to himself.

Eddie blushes, “Y-Yeah, me too.” his words and hands are shaky, but his gaze never falters. 

Richie almost takes his hands, but he doesn’t. Not yet, he tells himself. They head to the inn, quietly, no more words.

Part two — “I’ve learned to lose you...”

In the middle of the night, at the inn, Richie can’t sleep, he tosses and turns so violently and can’t get comfortable, nor can he stop his mind from racing. Eddie is the only thing he can think about. He couldn’t believe how fast and how suddenly it all hit him, once Mike called. They left for college quite a few years ago, more years than Richie would like to admit. He hated the idea of getting old.

Eddie was leaving for law school, and Richie was so proud of him, he never truly got to tell him how he felt about him, but he thought Eddie knew. They shared a short kiss before Eddie boarded his train, and the next time they would see each other would be so much longer than they said it would be. “Three months,” Eddie spoke into Richie’s lips as he backed away and never turned back, Richie wiped tears from his face and repeated the words to himself as if to reassure it wouldn’t be forever.

“Three months,” Richie spoke as he continued to toss and turn in the inn, “It was supposed to be three fucking months,” Richie began to tear up as he remembered the feeling of losing Eddie, he had dealt with it for awhile, before he went off to college himself, and somehow, he forgot.

He couldn’t believe he forgot.

So now here he was, crying into a dirty pillow in Derry, with the love of his life two rooms over beating himself up because he forgot. He forgot the kiss they shared at the train station, the time Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand at the movie theater, the time Eddie said he never wanted to be without Richie, the times they elbowed each other when they were kids. He couldn’t believe he forgot Eddie.

Tears kept falling as it got later and later, his lack of glasses made it so he couldn’t tell if it was 3am or 6am, he was basically useless without them, but he felt useless anyway.

He had tried to fill the void in his heart for awhile with drugs and men, but couldn’t figure out why nothing worked, he figured it out once his phone rang that day.

He couldn’t believe he forgot.

Footsteps make their way to Richie’s door, and three knocks come shortly after. Richie pulls himself together as to not embarrass himself. He imagines its Bev asking why he’s wailing so late. He puts on his glasses and answers the door.

Eddie stands, wearing a white t-shirt and black boxers, his hair messed up from sleep, his arms crossed over his chest, Richie is surprised to say the least.

“What’s up?” is all Richie could spit out.

“That’s funny. These walls are paper thin, Rich. I can hear you from down the hall.” He says as if he’s trying to be funny, that never worked when they were kids, why would it work now?

“I’m sorry, I cant sleep.” Richie tells a half-truth, which isn’t the same as lying, but Eddie knows Richie well enough.

“Rich, please. It’s me.” Eddie’s voice softens down close to a whisper, and Richie’s tears fall as if the flood gates had burst open, he falls into Eddie’s arms and Eddie pushes them both into Richie’s room. They fall to the floor, Richie calms down after about ten minutes, and his head ends up in Eddie’s lap and Eddie’s hands end up in Richie’s hair.

Richie would be lying if he said they hadn’t been in this exact position before as teenagers.

“You know, when we were younger, I would be able to figure out what was bothering you, but now I literally can’t piece it together. It’s probably because I haven’t seen your ugly face in 30 years, but you seem, more distant. I cant read your mind like I used to be able to.” Eddie, stroking Richie’s curly hair, spoke into the ceiling, but Richie heard it, through quiet sniffles and swallows.

“It’s just being back here has brought all these memories back to me, and Stan...” Richie trails off, “It’s just, as if nothing and everything is different. We’re all our own people, yet not one of us can say we don’t know each other well. I cant help but feel as if something bad will tear us apart again.” Eddie knew the “us” Richie meant, but didn’t question it.

“I understand. I can stay here with you, if you need me to. It can be like when we were fifteen and we basically lived at each other’s houses.” Eddie reminisced.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” Richie sniffled once more. 

They made their way to the bed, laying far away from one another, but close at the same time, their shoulders touched, as Richie looked at Eddie again, he thought this might be just like the train station, the last time they see one another, before they forget. Richie’s mind fell at ease nonetheless, because Eddie was here, he was physically and emotionally here. For Richie.

Part three — “Tore my shirt, to stop you bleeding.”

Down in the cave, deep inside the depths of Derry, Eddie... bleeding... this feels bad, wrong, the thing Richie feared would tear them apart. He takes his button up off and tries to apply pressure.

This is not good. He starts quietly begging Eddie to stay, please, please, Eds, listen, please don’t go.

“Richie...” Eddie breathes...

“It’s okay, Eds, I’m here.” Richie says to him, pushing harder at the wound in his chest.

“I’m sorry...” Eddie loses his voice, his words are just breath. “No, no, Eddie, no, it’s okay, don’t apologize. You’re gonna be okay.” Richie is reassuring himself.

He can feel Eddie’s heart stop, his hands release pressure when the beating stops, but he continues anyway.

He can hear Beverly yelling that he’s gone, but he won’t believe it... Not now, not when he just got him back.

Part four — “But nothing ever stops you leaving.”

He’s gone. He left him again. 

He thought them lying in bed was their goodbye, but it’s this. Eddie woke Richie up with a kiss on the forehead, before making his way back to his own room before anyone noticed they were together. Richie reaches for Eddie’s hand, he takes it, and they hold each other’s hands for a short moment, before Eddie leaves.

Here Richie is, not in that moment anymore, he wishes he was, he wishes that moment in the inn lasted longer, he wishes he had kissed him and fucked him and confessed to him everything he wanted to say. 30 years worth of secrets and ‘I love you’s and stupid nothings. He can’t believe he let him get away again without telling him how he felt. He doesn’t believe in God, but he’s praying that Eddie knew.

Eddie’s last words were his name and an apology. “Three months” turned into three decades. And an apology turned into forever. Richie can’t comprehend this.

He stands, faces It, and the next hour is a huge blur. The next thing he knows he’s in the lake at the quarry, he lost himself, he lost Eddie, he lost his glasses. There’s nothing left. He has nothing left.

Part five — “Quiet when I’m coming home, and I’m on my own...”

Richie steps into his apartment, his mind is blank, the apartment is quiet, silent, noiseless, everything is just foreign to him. He’s alone, by himself, and he slumps down onto the couch. He doesn’t know where to go from here. He wishes he could forget again, but this time it’s permanent in his mind.

His eyes are dry, he physically can’t cry anymore. the silence is eating him up inside, but he can’t bear to speak, it’s as if his voice is mourning. His throat is closing on itself and his mouth is dry. He’s too sad to eat, to drink, to do anything, really. He wanted to stay at the inn for awhile, but he had already bought his return ticket and, contrary to popular belief, he’s not rich, so he couldn’t just not go on the flight he already paid for.

His mind just stayed in the same place for weeks, he laid in bed, thinking about Eddie. He replayed his last words over and over on repeat for hours. Hours turned into days, and those days were spent trying to figure out where he went wrong, and what he could’ve done to save Eddie...

Part six — “Don’t you know too much already?”

He asked himself so many questions after he lost Eddie. Why couldn’t he save him? What will people say to him? Do the rest of the losers blame him? Should they? The funeral was so small, and body-less, due to losing him deep in the earth. How would they explain that to his wife? But it seemed she didn’t care nearly enough. Richie was convinced she didn’t actually love him. That made him even angrier.

He started to think back to before... 

The hotel room, the soft touches, the whispers, and Eddie’s lips on his forehead. If he could go back, he would tell him.

The words would have slipped out so effortlessly, but he couldn’t do it, he was married.

He thought Eddie knew, so he couldn’t go on, telling him more, when it was obvious Eddie couldn’t act on those feelings even if he wanted to, which that was even questionable to Richie.

He thought maybe it would be too much. Too much to hear and comprehend for Eddie, the heartache and angst of hearing your life-long best friend tell you he loves you? It would be too much.

That’s what Richie told himself to feel better.

Part seven — “I’ll only hurt you if you let me.”

Richie sang songs to himself, lying in his bed, trying to fill his mind with things other than Eddie.

He thought back to when they were young, when they were inseparable. They did everything for and with each other. Their lives were so intertwined, they basically were an old married couple at 13 years old. 

By the age of 17, they were looking for colleges and talking about moving away, understanding that they could never see each other again. They held hands while looking through college brochures and reading college magazines, their palms sweaty but they didn’t care.

How they didn’t understand what this meant was insane to Richie now, they were basically dating for 5 years and they didn’t even know it. They were obviously in love, but they didn’t fully grasp the severity of what they were getting themselves into.

But the day Eddie left, although it hurt Richie immensely, it was as if he lost something that wasn’t really his, because they weren’t dating, they had only kissed once or twice and only ever held hands, nothing more, as if it was fake the entire time, but somehow that hurt even more than losing the most passionate relationship ever.

Part eight — “Call me friend but keep me closer.”

There was one night, the last night they spent together, they cuddled, if that’s what you wanna call it, Richie was wrapped tightly around Eddie’s small frame, fingers intertwined, Richie’s chin rested on Eddie’s shoulder.

They fell asleep, breathing softly and gently into each other, Eddie awoke at around 4am, and turned to look at a sleeping Richie, with his glasses still on, Eddie reaches up, slipped them off of his face, admired him for awhile, and laid the glasses on the bedside table. Richie’s bed was NOT big enough for the both of them, but they made it work.

Eddie’s hands reached around to hug Richie closer to him, his eyes started to water at the thought of leaving him in the morning. He dreaded the sun coming out. He wasn’t sure why, his heart told him that love was this emotion, but his brain called this friendship at its highest extent. 

The heartbreaking silence gently swept over the pair as Eddie fell back to sleep, holding his best friend close, and feeling as if he should ask Richie to be his, but he doesn’t know how.

Richie’s abrupt snoring made Eddie laugh quietly, he knew he loved him, but he didn’t know how to tell him.

Part nine — “I’ll call you when the party’s over.”

Richie sat at Eddie’s grave, knowing his body wasn’t actually under his feet, knowing that even if he spoke, he wouldn’t be able to hear him, but he spoke anyway.

“Eds, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t help you, but I want you to know I tried my best. If I could bring you back, I would. I would take your place if I could. I wish I could trade places with you. Because you deserve to be here. You deserve to be happy and safe. I’m so sorry, Eddie.” Richie started to cry as he spoke, his words choking him as he poured his heart out at the gravestone.

Edward Kaspbrak, it read, and for some reason that hurt Richie, Eddie hated when Richie called him Edward, trying to be funny, trying to make him mad, the tears fell into the grass below him.

“I... I didn’t know how to tell you when you were here. I loved you. I still love you. If it’s even possible, I love you more now, because I know I can never hold you again.” Richie wiped snot and tears from his face with the back of his hand.

“I miss you. I always will.”

Richie regretted every single moment he could’ve told Eddie the truth, of how he felt, and what he meant to him. Richie felt nothing but sadness and sorrow in the wake of losing everything that ever meant anything to him.

Richie’s heart was shattered and broken. Nothing felt worse than losing the love of his life. His everything is gone. The feeling was the most pain he had ever felt.

Richie came to Eddie’s grave once a month with a bouquet of flowers, reciting his apologies and telling him how much he still loves him. Richie grows older and older. Still doing standup and being a good comedian, because that brings him joy.

He never tells anyone about Eddie, but he never gets into another relationship. He wants Eddie to be the last person he ever kisses. 

He eventually retires, and he goes to Eddie’s grave when he’s diagnosed with cancer, lays down and apologizes one last time before being admitted to hospice. About a year later, Richie passes peacefully and he’s buried right next to Eddie at his own request. They are finally together at last. 

No one can separate them this time.


End file.
